Wednesday, October 19, 2005

October 19

I am beginning to have regrets, as the days become fewer and fewer until I leave America. Yesteday my former landlord called to say my apartment had been rented about 15 minutes after we put it on the market. I knew it wouldn’t last long, it was a perfect NYC apartment and I will miss it terribly – but I don’t want to think about that because it will make me terribly sad and I am afraid that if I allow myself to be sad right now I will just open some kind of floodgate of melancholy that I will be wading in for the rest of my life. But I am having regrets, for example I didn’t take my camera with me yesterday when I was in the city for a video shoot – my still camera that is – so that I could take a few more shots of the city. I just didn’t carry my camera around with me enough during the last 25 years or so that I've lived in Manhattan – I never thought I would leave.


Blogger christina said...

Oh dear, this is almost making ME cry. But it's not like you won't ever get back to NeW York again. I find I 'see' so much more of the home I left behind when we're on holidays there because I'm trying to savour every minute and make it count.

9:33 PM  
Blogger Berlinbound said...

I know you're right - I was just having a blue moment there ...
Thanks for the encouragement.

10:06 PM  
Blogger J said...

I think that you're just having pre-move nervousness. You're a bit anxious about leaving your comfort zone. Think of moving to Germany as an adventure rather.

I agree with Christina, I 'see' a lot on the rare occasion I visit the US because I don't live there. I even ask friends if 'insert whatever' is normal in the US when I'm there.

7:16 AM  
Blogger mama jens said...

oh dear. nothing is permanent. you can always go back if you are miserable and miss nyc terribly.

11:36 PM  

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